Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
