bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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