Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
