I've blown a few things in my day
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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