Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
