I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
