if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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