I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
