Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
