I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
