i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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