I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
