gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
only you would photoshop your dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
