the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
