I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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