Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
