I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize