My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
