She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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