yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
