yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
