you win again, gameday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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