I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
