You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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