i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
