you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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