From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
