i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
