I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
