somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
