Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
last night I used snow as a chaser
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
