You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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