Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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