It's like a parade of train wrecks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
True strength comes from lack of pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
