Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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