Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize