I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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