I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
