He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize