I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
