I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
