Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
