I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
