that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone came in the potted fern
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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