he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
