You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
