im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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