idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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