Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
