btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize