I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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