Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
