plz talk dirty to me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
