dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
