I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
