There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
