i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
