I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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