Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize