the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
