Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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