I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
