They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
