I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Duck Duck Cougar?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
