is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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