I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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