the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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