you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
