I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
