I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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