It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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