i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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